On a dark gloomy night. A little girl was reeling up an old raggedy bucket full of water. Then she heard a noise, she looked around but nothing was there except for the moon. She went back to reeling up the bucket, then another rustling noise again, she dropped the bucket in the well and had a closer look around then turned around to the well then a light appeared she quickly.
Redraft-On a dark gloomy night. A little girl was reeling up a old raggedy bucket full of water. Then she heard a noise, she turned to the noise nothing was there except for the moon. She went back to reeling the old bucket, then there was another noise but this time she was that shocked that she let go of the bucket “Splash” The bucket slammed onto the water.
There was no light she looked around the moon was gone.
I liked how you gave me a image of the bucket
ReplyDeleteBut you didnt have enough sentences like that
I liked how you described how you were reeling the bucket up especially when you used the word splash.Next time you should work on putting more full stops in.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you described how you were reeling the bucket up especially when you used the word splash.Next time you should work on putting more full stops in.
ReplyDeleteHi Sam, this is a really captivating story. I love thrillers so really enjoyed reading this. I would love to find out more about the noise was that she heard!
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ReplyDeleteYour stories are well written, easy to read and they capture the reader. Your story makes the reader feel as though they are in the story. I would like to know what your learning outcome was.
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