The lights flickered and then went off, then the sirens started, it was coming, and we knew it wouldn’t be the last time. You could hear planes swooping down and gunshots everywhere. I was all alone trying to gather as much stuff in a suitcase as fast as I could. I couldn’t see very well my eyes were starting to get blurry and, I turned around smoke was everywhere, I started to cough...
And here is another story
Wrapped up warm against the icy fingers of dust, the caretaker closed the cemetery gates, who was watching him? I looked at the person, they were wearing a black jacket with the hood on than they had a paper mask covering their face and blue track pants, they had white shoes with some sort of red gooey stuff at the front at first I thought “That couldn’t be blood could it?”
I walked to my car to find that and a drip of blood running down my car door saying you're next...
I like how you said then the sirens started.
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ReplyDeleteSamantha
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your short pieces of writing. You created a sense of anticipation in my mind: what would happen next? Perhaps you could try to extend one of the pieces to help the reader develop a little more of a sense of who the the narrator of the story is.
Wow Samantha! What a good bit of writing! You have described quite a gloomy scene in both of these pieces. What else could you add in to build depth? Perhaps the description of smells? Senses are a great tool to bring the reader in!
ReplyDeleteHi Samantha, I liked the immediacy of your writing and you are using active verbs, as we do in theatre sports.
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ReplyDeleteI am suitably impressed with your ideas and voice. Your hooked me in and I was keen to read more so this shows me that you are aware of the purpose of your writing and your audience. A wee tip for the future. i is a letter of the alphabet whereas I is a word (pronoun) Thank you for sharing
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